‘The Routine’

Firstly, can I just say thankyou to everyone who showed such love and support when I was brave enough to share my blog with you all! It was so amazing to hear some of you say it’s inspired you and given you comfort! That is all I want to do!

Secondly, sorry for the delay in posts… I have had a rough week with emotions due to a reduction of my dosage!! It’s all good as I’m another step closer to my goal… but withdrawal making me feel how I used to this week has even had me questioning whether I can really do this… but I can and I WILL

Now, back to the post!

That bloody routine… honestly if I heard it once I heard it a million times ‘have you gotten into a routine’ – to which I would just reply and smile sweetly.. yes, we are getting there slowly..

In all honesty what blooming routine… Archie called the shots and just when I thought I knew what he was doing the cheeky little monkey would change it again.. I swear he knew, I was finally starting to settle and feel confident!

I have always been very structured and organised, I like to know what’s happening next, and I always have a plan…. well this went out the bloody window straight away and you know what…. I hated it and realised just how much of a control freak I am.

I have met up with mums who didn’t feel this way but generally were bottle feeding and would feed every 3/4 hours regardless.. even waking there babies to feed on this time.. this is what I thought I should be doing and Archie should be doing what their babies or other googles babies should be doing… he wasn’t the textbook baby… so what was I doing wrong, why do I feel so stressed?

To be honest I was doing nothing wrong… I demand fed Archie.. he called the shots I fed him when he was hungry even if it was only an hour and half after he had just fed… I never knew whether he was having a growth spurt (which all fellow breastfeeding mums will say are ridiculously exhausting) this is what I was told I should do.. so I did.

Every baby is completely different and demand fed babies are a complete different kettle of fish.. they will use you for just a drink, maybe a snack, sometimes an all day buffet 🙄 and that’s the difference. But when you are used to being in a routine yourself not adjust to his relaxed laid back go with it routine it’s hard to adjust.

I wanted to know when I could go out and see friends… I had such bad anxiety of being on my own with Archie the panic I would have at the thought of not being able to go out was crazy… and I genuinely don’t think this helped with this new “routine” or whatever it was Archie decided to do that day… The thought of being ridiculously late or having to cancel on my friends stressed me out..

The only thing I had control of was bedtime and from Archie being super young I always made sure that was consistent it was the only control I really had.. the time might of altered but every night I bathed him.. read to him gave him his last feed and put him to sleep in our room. It worked really well and at least I felt like he had a bit of a routine that I controlled…

So the answer to the question is no… I didn’t have a routine because my baby would change it for me ALL the friggin time… it doesn’t mean I’m lazy, or I’m a crap mum because my baby doesn’t wake at 6.30am and feed then go back to sleep and wake again at 11am… (google stresses me out)… I think if I had to pay for the amount of times I googled stupid shit… I would seriously be bankrupt… ‘my baby just slept for 6 hours and didn’t wake for a feed should I wake him’  – NO HOLLIE HE’S JUST TIRED! 

I used to panic so much if he slept longer at night.. I would wake and check on him because the night before he didn’t do that. And google says he should be feeding every 3 hours.. 🙄 Now I realise how silly it was for me to think this way… babies aren’t robots sometimes we sleep better some nights then others.. and some days we eat more than others.. they are only human too!

I’ve learnt to let it go… it is what it is… you can’t change things by worrying. And it’s changed my whole outlook on everything in my life now, don’t put pressure on yourself to be the mum who’s got her shit together and who’s baby is in the best routine.. to another mum they may see you like that.. we all have our off days.. some people may say by me demand feeding and letting my baby dictate to me what he wanted I was wrong and he needs to fit in with me… some others may 100% believe in what I did and will say I was an attentive mother and listened to my babies need… everyone is entitled to their opinion.

I did what I felt I needed to do as a mum for my boy… rightly or wrongly it’s worked for us and that’s all that matters.. and you will all do the same! You know what is right at the time… my routine didn’t really kick in until Archie started weening on was on 3 meals a day!

You got this mumma, the fact your still here smiling is enough.. the rest doesn’t matter 😘