So it’s been a long time since I’ve posted.. but to be honest I’ve not really been in the right frame of mind.. we have moved house which is lovely but I’ve been continuing cutting down my tablets.. even more 9 months into coming off the bloody things and I’ll be honest I’ve been struggling big time!
My thoughts on withdrawal are exactly that in the title of this blog…. if withdrawal was in the form of a person.. although I can quite honestly tell you it has felt like it.
I always knew that venlafaxine was a hard drug to come off, but having come off it before and not had any trouble this has been so tough… you feel better and confident enough to come off.. your journey is over.. but it’s not it’s the beginning of a different one and an introduction to your new friend…
Arsehole…(withdrawal) has lived permantly in my head for about the last 2/3 months… and I honestly am so exhausted from fighting him and trying to remain strong..
He keeps telling me that…. everybody hates me and the person I’ve become since having a baby…. that no1 wants to spend time with me anymore because I’m not a nice person…. everyone is distancing themselves from me because I’m horrible to be around… maybe I should just cut myself off from everyone…I shouldn’t write about it as no1 wants to know…..
WAIT – I have a son to think about and a lovely family… always something to be thankful for, a good job, friends, a roof over my head… (that thought of course was me..) I’m in there somewhere clawing my way back to the surface and trying to rise above these nasty thoughts this person is putting in my head…
But he doesn’t stop… torturing me everywhere I go.. Your a bad mother.. you don’t spend enough time playing with Archie… that is why he prefers nick to you… you are failing as a wife…. hairdresser… friend… everything!
He has impacted my sleep again, dragging up old memories and making me feel exactly how I did then… I look awful, old, tired somehow… he’s been winning… I want to lose weight and exercise but here he is telling me I’m not worth it…. he continues saying that I won’t get through this and is tricking me into believing that I’m still poorly and need to go back on my tablets… because I’m paranoid again… loads of noise is making me anxious… I have no patience… maybe I would be better not here….fuck I’m getting sick again….
BUT WAIT… this isn’t happening…. these are the thoughts that HE is putting there.. the arsehole… wanting and wishing for them to consume me.. making me doubt myself and the fact that I am better…and 100% am doing the right thing… I have tried so hard to remain strong and focused.. that it’s so hard to concentrate on anything else right now.
But I CAN do this the finish line is so close now and I will feel normal again soon.. I’m not still poorly and I don’t need these tablets.. the arsehole is trying to trick me and that is what an anxious mind is.. an arsehole.
So listen to me… I’m telling you to fudge right off!! I’m going to do this and your not going to stop me because I’m worthy of a happy mind.. the one that used to be there.. one that has confidence in what she says and does and that will not let it consume her!
Byeeee… 👋🏻👋🏻 I’m gonna beat you watch me.. and I’ll be stronger because of it.. only 1/2 a tablet to go…just gotta take one day at a time!
‘Grow Positive thoughts’ its hard but I’m trying my best and that’s all I can do ❤️